Transitions.
Psychologists not only believe that pets are good for people, but that they can be buffers against stress and depression. Although the purpose of this section is to help you find a good home for Spot if you can no longer keep him, please think long and hard before giving him up. Getting rid of your dog to simplify a life suddenly thrown into turmoil could backfire, as missing the dog’s comforting company may only make you feel worse. Dr. Mary Burch of Tallahassee, Florida, a Certified Behavior Analyst and behavior researcher, explains:
“In the course of our lives, there are times when our status as family members or companions may change. These changing times are referred to by psychologists and counselors as ‘transition periods.’
“Significant transitions occur when a loved one dies, when there is a divorce, when a relationship is terminated, or during a major lifestyle change. Changes in lifestyle can result from job transfers or loss of a job, selling the family home, moving into a new family situation such as remarriage, or moving into a retirement community or home.
“The logistics of keeping a dog during a difficult transition proves too complicated for some dog owners. In an attempt to simplify things or put everything from the past behind them, they find new homes for their pets. In times when they are grief-stricken or upset, many people feel the practical details of keeping a dog in a new life situation are just too hard to work out. Yet, keeping their dog would make them feel better in the long run. Transitions are high stress times for most people and medical evidence shows that having a dog to stroke reduces stress and lowers blood pressure.
“Giving up a dog that has been a devoted, beloved companion may be the worst thing you can do for your mental health, besides being a bad thing to do to the dog. In the case of a death of a loved one, depression may occur after the initial grieving period is over. Dogs can alleviate depression by evoking pleasant memories of happy times. And something as simple as keeping up your daily dog routine reminds you, even when you are depressed, that life goes on.
“In the case of a divorce or relationship change, having a dog means there is a friend in your life giving you unconditional love. Dogs need us, and at a time when we feel alone in the world, unloved, or unwanted, being needed fills an important emotional role. ”
This section will help you find a home for Spot if you must, but if you have always enjoyed his company, do yourself a favor. Slow down and think twice before denying yourself the comfort of keeping your dog.
When the Dream is Impossible
Does Spot make you smile? Help you relax? Add new dimensions to your outings? Or does Spot frustrate you? Make you tense? Disappoint you almost daily?
No matter how hard we try to make a good match, sometimes mismatches occur. Assuming you honestly tried to do right by Spot — used a crate, gave him attention, took him to obedience school, had him checked by the veterinarian to make sure his problems weren't rooted in something physical—and his responses are still disagreeable, he probably isn’t the right dog for you. Letting a dog go is painful. Even if the love was lost long ago, giving up still feels like failure. But, if you’ve tried everything, what’s the alternative? Is it ignoring your dog the same way you overlook the ill-fitting suit in the back of your closet? Your dog (if it isn’t people-aggressive) deserves better than that and so do you. Both of you deserve the opportunity to make a good match. When there is no love left, and banishment to the backyard seems imminent, finding Spot another home is probably best for you both. Spot may be an entirely different dog when living in different circumstances. Or he may be exactly the same dog, which may be exactly the dog someone else is looking for.
If Spot isn’t the right dog for you and you know it, all the problems in your relationship will come to a head one day and you'll want him out of your life immediately. Instead, start now, so you don’t make the move in haste. Use the suggestions in Making Sure Your Dog Will Recycle Successfully and Searching for Superowner to match Spot up with a new owner and prepare him to recycle successfully. Then take your time and try again, this time armed with your “My Kind of Dog List,” that great crate, and all the ammo you need to break through the period of adjustment. The right dog is worth the effort. Believe it!
Correcting a Mismatch
Service dog agencies, such as those that pair blind people with guide dogs, habitually create great relationships. But even partnerships hand-picked by professionals can go wrong occasionally. That’s what happened to Ed Eames and his guide dog Jake. As Ed tells it:
“From the time I began my partnership with Jake, he became somewhat distracted in the presence of dogs and cats while guiding me. He pulled so hard in harness, I frequently felt off-balance and uncomfortable. Unlike most Golden Retrievers, he did not enjoy being groomed, and daily obedience training sessions were a chore. And unlike most guide dogs, he resisted having his harness put on.”
In spite of these problems, Jake had redeeming qualities and Ed wanted to make the relationship work. During this period, Brad Scott, the Director of Training at Michigan-based Leader Dogs for the Blind, visited Ed in California and tried to salvage Ed and Jake as a team. But Jake was breaking down. Noises such as the slamming of a car door or sirens made him pull even harder in his harness, and when he was extremely nervous he forgot his role as a guide altogether. Unwilling to call it quits, Ed continued working with Jake for eight more months, until he totally lost confidence in him as a guide. Then he accepted Scott’s offer of a different dog. Scott wrote about the situation for the Leader Dog newsletter. This is an excerpt:
“We tried both positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement blended with multiple doses of psychology. We encouraged, coaxed, praised, and generally tried to out-think the dog—he just wouldn’t budge. He simply refused to cooperate.
“The handler and I have recently reached the conclusion that the dog should be retired from the work. Although the dog adjusted well to the new home, the park schedule, and was generally a pleasure to be around, when in harness he was inconsistent and therefore unreliable.
“The graduate’s first reaction was to blame himself and to comment that he felt frustrated because he couldn’t correct the problem. He questioned whether he had done enough. Subjectively he felt like he had failed; objectively, he realized he had done everything possible. The scales tip when you realize the enormous emotional investment that both undertook when the relationship began.
“It’s difficult to know when it’s not going to work and find the strength to move on. But the reality is that sometimes it doesn’t work. Training a dog to lead a blind person is not a perfected science. Due to the fact that half of the equation is a living, breathing, thinking, feeling, emotional four-legged furry ball of potential—there may be some facets of the dog’s personality that won’t surface until confronted with the real world ...”
Ed says he grieved at the thought of breaking the bond but everything worked out for the best. The Eames’ friend adopted Jake and often takes the well-mannered dog to work with her. She has a big yard and a Lhasa Apso, so Jake has plenty of space and a new friend.
“With the arrival of my new guide dog Echo, my emotions shifted from sadness to anticipation,” Ed said. “Echo promises to be an outstanding guide and Jake has made a wonderful adjustment to his new lifestyle.”
Rip Rates a Family of His Own
Stan Lieberman of Rapid City, South Dakota, has been training retrievers, judging field trials, and running trials for over forty years. Five years ago he was planning to retire Rip, his eight-year-old black Labrador Retriever, from running trials. He had a new field trial prospect on hand and limited kennel space, but he wanted to make sure Rip got a good home. A mutual friend told him about a twelve-year-old hoy named Thad Johnson who would love to have Rip, and the transfer was made.
Thad and his family enjoyed Rip for five years before the dog died at the age of thirteen. By then Thad was seventeen, and Stan received this letter from him:
“I’m writing to tell you that after five years Rip has passed on. I can’t tell you what a great dog he was, he really was one of a kind. I want you to know how much I appreciate you giving him to me. Last year he was still hunting, he was a little slower but you could tell there was nothing he would rather be doing. He was our house dog and he loved being with everyone. I can’t thank you enough for letting us have him. He was an all-around great dog.”
Stan says he feels doubly fortunate. First he had a terrific dog like Rip, then he was able to share him with a wonderful family.
Giving the Gift of Time
Dogs are social animals, so they are happiest when they get lots of attention from their special humans. Of course there are times in every dog owner’s life when they are unable to give their dog enough attention, and since most dogs learned Guilt 101 at their mother’s breast, they repay the lapse with wounded expressions that silently plead, "Why don’t you love me anymore?” But dogs are incredibly forgiving, and when things get back to normal the relationship is as strong as ever.
But sometimes things never get back to normal. Sometimes the nicest thing you can do for your dog is place it in another home, one where it gets plenty of individual attention.
